Called the IPC, or Injured Personnel Carrier, this remarkable device by Agilite allows a soldier to carry an injured or otherwise incapacitated person with relative ease. The carried person sits on the soldier’s spine like a backpack, making balance easy to maintain while also leaving the soldier’s hands entirely free. It can be used in all kinds of non-military situations, too. In fact, increasingly, the IPC is being adopted by firefighters, emergency responders, hikers and others who can benefit from its use.
Sooooo … am I bad person for wanting my very own IPC, the name of which would then be short for the Irene Personal Carrier?? Hot damn, I could be carried everywhere, all day long! And that’s not being lazy, that’s conserving energy for other, more important tasks instead, mmkay?
With the help of comedic actress Anna Faris, Mr. T introduces his new Tee Machine, a game-changing device that produces the very best t-shirts of all time. A lot of people today suffer from bad-fitting tees, and as a result, those people are real dillweeds. Well, no more! As soon as Mr. T’s Tee Machine is in full swing, everyone will be able to enjoy soft, form-fitting t-shirts once again. By the way, I, too, know the pain of poorly fitting tees. So often, I find that my tees are just too darn bling-dazzled … hey, waaaiiitt aaaa miiinnuutte … does that mean I’m a real dillweed, too??
Made from dreamy, magical unicorn farts, this lip balm tastes just like the real thing — an irresistable flavor that combines spearmint, rainbows, cotton candy, love and hugs. UNICORNS 4EVER!
Guys, isn’t it about time you stopped paying for all that fancy-ass shave tech you don’t need? After all, your handsome-ass grandfather only ever needed one razor blade — and he had polio. So start shaving yourself some serious time and money by joining the Dollar Shave Club. Do it today!