“I once pulverized my own gall stones by yelling at them.” – Sue Sylvester

“I live in Los Angeles and I’d been drinking one night. So I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza’s star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, Who’s the boss now?” — Zach Galifianakis

“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.”
— Buddy the Elf

“Lemon, this is part of our problem. I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.” — Jack Donaghy

   Zach Galifianakis  

“Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire into Jobland where jobs grow on jobbies?!” — Charlie Kelly

“Wow … Dad … Tell me you’re wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space.”
Shawn Spencer

“Mitchell’s mother has a problem with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.” — Cameron Tucker 

“All right, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.” — Horatio Caine

“I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.” — Ron Swanson


 “Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?” — Kelly Kapoor

“It’s no secret that the best thing about a secret, is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.” — Spongebob Squarepants

“It’s called chemistry. I have it with everybody.” — Jeff Winger

“If I’m addicted to anything, it’s sparklers.” – Deputy Trudy Wiegel 

“Forecast for tomorrow? A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom.” — Stewie Griffin