Quotes

      

“I once pulverized my own gall stones by yelling at them.” – Sue Sylvester

“I live in Los Angeles and I’d been drinking one night. So I was on the walk of fame and I saw Tony Danza’s star and I started urinating on it. Just yelling out, Who’s the boss now?” – Zach Galifianakis

“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.”
– Buddy the Elf

“Lemon, this is part of our problem. I give you a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context and I get back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.” – Jack Donaghy

   Zach Galifianakis  

“Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don’t I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire into Jobland where jobs grow on jobbies?!” – Charlie Kelly

“Wow … Dad … Tell me you’re wearing that shirt because someone has to spot you from space.”
Shawn Spencer

“Mitchell’s mother has a problem with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.” – Cameron Tucker 

“All right, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.” – Horatio Caine

“I got my first job when I was 9. Worked at a sheet metal factory. In two weeks, I was running the floor. Child labor laws are ruining this country.” – Ron Swanson

      

 “Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?” – Kelly Kapoor

“It’s no secret that the best thing about a secret, is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.” – Spongebob Squarepants

“It’s called chemistry. I have it with everybody.” – Jeff Winger

“If I’m addicted to anything, it’s sparklers.” – Deputy Trudy Wiegel 

“Forecast for tomorrow? A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom.” – Stewie Griffin

      

 

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